Saturday, October 5, 2013

Unlucky #13

Unlucky #13. 

Right when the new year began I called it. I called it was going to be a bad year and I could not have been more right.

July 5, 2013: Phone call that my dad had been in an accident. The month of July just seems like a blur traveling back in forth trying to help him out the best way I could. Just a horrible phone call you never wish upon anyone. 

August 27, 2013: (Exactly one year to the date of our miscarriage.) Phone call from my sister telling me our Grandpa Gary passed away. 

September 24, 2013: Phone call from my mother telling me that her cousin, my second cousin, and Papa's nephew had passed away.

September 29, 2013: (Exactly one year to the date of Dylan's broken shoulder.) Went to visit my Papa after my mother told me he would not last another week. My visit was filled with tears and sadness. But so thankful I got to say Goodbye.

September 30, 2013: Phone call from my mother that my Papa had passed at 8:30 a.m.

All of this just does not seem real. How can a family suffer so much loss in such a short period of time? It's like a never ending delivery of bad news.

The day before I went to see my Papa to say "goodbye", we had a birthday turned engagement dinner for my Mother. We went to the restroom together and she told me Papa had taken a turn for the worse that day, soon after she had left from her cousin's funeral. She told me I needed to get over there to say my goodbyes.

So the next morning the husband, boys, and I headed to Harrisburg. It was hard. So hard. Terribly hard to sit there watch him the way he was. The way he could not talk. How thin he had gotten. How he was having trouble breathing. It broke my heart to pieces. 

My mom had left the room and it was just my baby sister and I standing beside his bed. Already in tears trying to hold them back so he wouldn't see them, he looks me straight in my eyes and somehow clear as day says "Hi Honey." I looked at my sister in shock and was like "Did he just say hi honey?" I couldn't believe it. You could barely understand the word "yeah" come from him and clear as day he said that. A moment I will never ever forget and cherish forever.

It was so hard to leave. So hard to say goodbye. This was my Papa. My closest grandparent I have had my whole life.

All of the family headed over to Marion for my cousin's birthday party. Towards the end of the party Justin tells me I need to check my phone in a serious voice. I just knew it. I knew something was wrong. My Mom told us to get back over, he had taken another turn for the worse.

After a struggle finding some medicines Hospice ordered for him, I headed over to be with him. I stayed pretty late to be with him and my Mom. I just can not explain the heart ache to sit there and watch someone die. Before I left, I gave him a kiss on the forehead. Another moment I'll never forget.

It's like he would talk to you through his eyes. He knew who we were. He knew who was there. But I knew it was only a matter of time. 

Then the next morning, he passed. 

I have struggled so hard with this loss. I do not know if it is because I can not get over how he was towards the end or when I look at old pictures of him I miss him that way. But this was my Papa. The closest person I have ever lost. I struggled all week. The funeral day I was a mess. 

Papa was a great man. He would do anything for his grandchildren. When we needed help with something he was the one we went to.  He would work night shift then come and pick my sisters and I up the next morning and take us to school. I used to think that was so "uncool." Now, I wish I had that moment back.

We would always go to his house when we were littler and be sneaky and get Doublemint gum out of his pantry. He always kept little mini snicker bars in the bottom drawer of his refrigerator. I used to always get excited when he would ask me to make his coffee. I do not know why that excited me, but it did. His Christmas's were the best. He loved Halloween. He just was such a generous, great man. 

When you go through times like this you need your family and friends the most. Family always comes together and helps one another. And I am so thankful for my friends. I have gained the most fabulous friends a girl could ask for. I really have. These girls have drove over to Harrisburg just to show their condolences twice now. This week though they could not have come at a more perfect time. I was breaking down in the kitchen to Justin and the girls walked in at the most perfect time. I needed a break. I needed a laugh and they brought that to me. So thankful for them. 

I do not know what else God has in store for my family this year. But I really do not know if I can handle much more. I think we have had enough bad phone calls and loss this year. 

I am ready to start a whole new fresh year. 2014 hurry up!

I'm finishing up here with a couple pictures of my Papa and myself.

Our first ever picture together...

And our last picture together...

Brista Barrington

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