Monday, December 17, 2012

I just can't...

I was going to post today a wrap up of our crazy, busy weekend. But I feel like, well, I just can't.
There are mothers out there who had the most horrible weekend of their lives losing their sweet children. I could never imagine. I would never wish that on my worst enemy. The pain they are going through, my goodness, it just breaks my heart into a million pieces.
Probably 45 minutes after I heard of the shootings I was to be at my Kindergarten son's Christmas Program. I sat there so thankful, yet feeling so sad that I get to sit here and watch my son perform his Kindergarten sing while others are going through possibly the worst time in their life. Right at the same time I am listening to Drew sing and perform while others were finding out that their child may have been killed.
There are just no words. I do not know anyone related to the shootings, but yet feel so much pain and sorrow for them. I sat in my bed sobbing on Saturday, literally bursting into tears.
This weekend was a very busy weekend for us, however, all my head was thinking was about those poor innocent children. And those heartbroken parents.
Then, I would also feel anger, hatred toward the horrible monster that did this. Who could do such a thing?! I had to stop reading everything, watching TV, reading Facebook comments. I just had to.
Gun control. Mental illness. Opinions after opinions.
I prayed a million times this weekend. I am one to hug and kiss my kids a gizzillion times a day. I tell them I love them a bazillion times a day. This weekend, I did it even more than normal.
You just really never ever know and that is why I never take a day for granted. That is why I hug and kiss and tell my kids I love them as many times as I do. I never go to sleep without the I love you's and slobbery kisses. And now, there are many mommy and daddy's out there who will never get to do that again.
I just can not wrap my head around what they are going through. I just can not do it.
I, as I am sure many others parents, this morning felt very scared, guilty, sad, sick to my stomach dropping the kids off at school. I know it is going to get better. I know it is all in God's hands.
But we all who did get to drop off our kids at school this morning should all be thankful that we get another day to do so.
I will continue to keep on praying for the shooting victims and families. I will also pray we can find a resolution to these horrible tragedies and somehow try to prevent them. And I will continue to be thankful I get another day with my kiddos.
To my boys: I will never ever be able to tell you how much you fill up my heart with love. As Drew would say: I love you to the left. to the right. to the moon. to the sun. up. down. to infinity and beyond. And most importantly...
"I love you a million times!"
And little stinker:  I will take your: " I love you three times!" any day! :)
Brista Barrington

1 comment:

  1. I can't agree more. I have no words to express how awful it must be & can only hope that there is peace at sometime for the parents! Your children are beautiful & such a blessing that you could be there right after the news. I contemplated leaving work to scoop up mine, sad that it takes something like this to remind you how fleeting time is.